I am going to be straight up honest with you here. This is something that I've been holding in for quite some time and I think over the past few weeks I've come to a realization.
What I do is hard for me. Not the being a mom part. I love my children with every fiber of my being and would never trade them for the world. It's the staying at home every day part. It is actually incredibly hard for me.
I absolutely loved working, going to school, being out and about all the time. I was totally happy and content when I spent no more than an hour or two at home (other than sleeping) a day. I loved being busy. I love my freedom. I loved working. I love the spontaneity. I felt accomplished. I felt like I was contributing to a greater good. I felt successful.
After Christopher was born, things changed. I wasn't working anymore, I was home with him. Taking care of my sweet darling boy. I tried to do a little of the work thing but it left me feeling guilty and torn. Then Mikah came along and I knew my place was with them. I knew that I needed to be there caring and loving them. They needed me more than anything or anyone else did. They were the most important work I could ever do.
That didn't make it easy though. I would wake up each day feeling like I needed to "do" something. Then when I wasn't able to "do" whatever it was I thought I should do. I got frustrated. I didn't even know who to be frustrated with or how to express my frustration. I just knew that I was frustrated, bitter, tired, and full of resentment and I felt like an absolutely terrible mother because of it.
Then something dawned on me...
Is there anything more important than making sure that my babies are fed and their bums are clean?
Not at all!
In fact... how lucky am I to be able to make sure that they are just that. How lucky am I to be able to spend all day every day with my sweet dear babies. I can wake up each day and do whatever I please. I can spend the entire morning sitting on the floor doodling away with my toddler and baby girl snacking on apples and peanut butter. Mind you... it isn't always super fun... it is hard work as any mother knows. But it is my work.
I think about my husband... how unfair he has to go out and work for us and spend so much time doing something that twenty years from now he won't even remember. But me? I get to spend my days teaching and loving small children of God. In a way, I get to spend my days doing the Lord's work... every day... all day...
I am the luckiest girl alive.