I am going to be straight up honest with you here. This is something that I've been holding in for quite some time and I think over the past few weeks I've come to a realization.
What I do is hard for me. Not the being a mom part. I love my children with every fiber of my being and would never trade them for the world. It's the staying at home every day part. It is actually incredibly hard for me.
I absolutely loved working, going to school, being out and about all the time. I was totally happy and content when I spent no more than an hour or two at home (other than sleeping) a day. I loved being busy. I love my freedom. I loved working. I love the spontaneity. I felt accomplished. I felt like I was contributing to a greater good. I felt successful.
After Christopher was born, things changed. I wasn't working anymore, I was home with him. Taking care of my sweet darling boy. I tried to do a little of the work thing but it left me feeling guilty and torn. Then Mikah came along and I knew my place was with them. I knew that I needed to be there caring and loving them. They needed me more than anything or anyone else did. They were the most important work I could ever do.
That didn't make it easy though. I would
wake up each day feeling like I needed to "do" something. Then when I
wasn't able to "do" whatever it was I thought I should do. I got
frustrated. I didn't even know who to be frustrated with or how to
express my frustration. I just knew that I was frustrated, bitter,
tired, and full of resentment and I felt like an absolutely terrible
mother because of it.
Then something dawned on me...
Is there anything more important than making sure that my babies are fed and their bums are clean?
Not at all!
In fact... how lucky am I to be able to make sure that they are just that. How lucky am I to be able to spend all day every day with my sweet dear babies. I can wake up each day and do whatever I please. I can spend the entire morning sitting on the floor doodling away with my toddler and baby girl snacking on apples and peanut butter. Mind you... it isn't always super fun... it is hard work as any mother knows. But it is my work.
I think about my husband... how unfair he has to go out and work for us and spend so much time doing something that twenty years from now he won't even remember. But me? I get to spend my days teaching and loving small children of God. In a way, I get to spend my days doing the Lord's work... every day... all day...
I am the luckiest girl alive.
I can completely relate to this. Especially lately! It's the most tiring, rewarding, incredible job there is! Keep up the great work mama!
ReplyDelete-Jenna
www.honeybeesandtealeaves.com
you captured this moment so beautifully! i completely agree with you though, tiring but very rewarding (: us mamas are so lucky! also you should check this out and email me before wednesday (; > http://www.dearestlou.com/2013/01/guest-post-and-urban-outfitters.html
ReplyDeletexx
I loved this post. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteI never actually worked outside the home...just went straight to motherhood so I don't really know the difference but I feel very fulfilled at being a homemaker. What does your husband do that he has to be away?
ReplyDeleteLovely post, I have been a mama x 4 now for over 20 years and it is work. But it is rewarding work. When I have my blogging, friends, social media and creative outlets it helps me stay balanced. We will always be "missing" something. If we are at home we are "missing" work, school etc...If we are at work we are thinking about the hours every week we miss being with out babies. Balance is the toughest thing to master as a mom, but we are trying!
ReplyDeletexoxo, Tanya
You have just put my EXACT feelings into words, except I wasn't able to explain it quite this well when trying to help my Hubby understand what was spinning around in my head! So THANK YOU! ;)
ReplyDeleteI totally just went through this (maybe I'm still going through it) with the adjustment from being a Mama+College to being just Mama. It's ROUGH! I was just telling Mom two nights ago about how I don't feel like ME, about how all of my friends are MOMFRIENDS, not Katelyn Friends. It's hard right now to feel successful or like I'm accomplishing something when everyday all I do is nurse a baby, make meals, clean messes, take naps. For some that may sound like a dream, but sometimes it's hard to get a sense of satisfaction or accomplishment in days that we do absolutely nothing (which happens a lot right now.) I guess it's a balance that we need to find within our selves to find out what truly makes us tick...
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely. Doesn't always take the frustrating feeling that restriction causes but it does get you through those hard times.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree - in fact, it is SO hard for me that my outlet is to creatively complain about it on facebook and turn my frustrations into laughs for others.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you are able to power through it and see the good parts - sometimes that is the biggest challenge of all!
And thank you for being open and honest about it- I think too many mommies out there are suffering in silence because they think the minute you become a mom you are supposed to see halos over your kids heads, hear angels sing every time they cry, and think they fart rainbows. It just isn't like that most of the time. That's why you have to hold onto the good moments.
I had a VERY hard time with my transition from independent woman responsible to no one - to stay at home mom of three!
I get every word of this post. Sooooo true. And the pictures of your little ones are stunning.
ReplyDeleteThe title of this post is truly what it all comes down to, huh? Adjusting to this was so hard for me too, and I fully get what you are saying. Glad to find you via the Mommy Brain Mixer.
ReplyDeleteMeredith
www.themomoftheyear.net
this is so sweet! i feel the exact same way... there really is no great job! new follower of your blog :)
ReplyDeleteYour kids are beautiful!! I absolutely loved this post and couldn't agree more, being able to stay home with our babies is so amazing! :) Thanks for linking up to the Mommy Brain Mixer!
ReplyDelete